Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
