Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
