I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
