Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
