my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
