Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
