there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
