I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
