he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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