I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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