You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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