Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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