you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
