I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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