Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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