I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
