Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
