Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize