I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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