i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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