I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
