considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
