Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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