just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
