is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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