Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
