God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
only you would photoshop your dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
