Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
