: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
