jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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