and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
