Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
