the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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