She's JV to your varsity
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
