If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
