Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
