i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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