my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
