I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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