i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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