I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
