Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
