also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
