can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
