had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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