that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
