had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.