I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
