He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
