ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
