Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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