I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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