Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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