Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
