I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
