Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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