I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
