I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
