I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
