I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
