Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
