yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
