Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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