We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
