from now on my penis is your penis
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
