So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
