oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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