are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
