I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
