i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
